I'm a believer

Once you realize you are in charge, things change. Something occurred to me this weekend about my role in this transition I'm undergoing. The reality is that much of it is in my control. How I respond to the force that brings negative energy, how I approach situations. . . I don't have the toolbox yet to make it 100 percent successful, but that's what the next month is about. Gathering the resources and tools I need to get going on making this transition a success for me.

It won't be easy. I can say that I lack motivation because of a bully at work, but I shouldn't be motivating for her or for anyone else. I should do it for me, and give myself the opportunity to shine. Really try my hardest, not just pretend. And reap the rewards of doing my best, my real best, which is a best I have yet to discover I think.

That's the hardest part about all of this is the self-discovery. I remember lying in bed at night growing up and my legs would hurt quite literally from growing pains. What's happening now hurts too. It's all-consuming and daunting and difficult, but I think, if looked at another way, it's a real test of my stamina and ability to weather change. Up until now, I've been less than good at both.

But I have to get good at it now because, if not at this gig, it will be at another that I'm put to the test. There will be more transitions in life. Many more. And I have to believe in myself that I can do it. For me. Not for anyone else.

Amazing what a foreign feeling that is. And so, I leave you with the high/low of this weekend. High was seeing Meredith and Pete yesterday. Good grief, we wish they lived here.

Low was the ongoing self-doubt and inability to accept this gift I've been given, to live in a great place and be with my great husband and conquer challenges I've never had to face AND be successful. I'm working on that one, but it may be a low for awhile. Patience please!